Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice to extend forgiveness for all. So God, why is forgiveness so hard? Why do bad things to us and those we love? Why is there so much anger and animosity in the world? How can’t we stop the plot of the enemy who only wants to kill, steal, and destroy everything and everyone? How do I get past this sick feeling in my gut that honestly wants revenge for wrong doings? How do I keep getting up, when I feel like this weight keeps pulling me down to my knees? I want to release it all and let it go, but why is it so difficult?
I know I have to forgive and let go of all the hurts left behind by senseless acts of violence and by careless words that were said to offend. Though they do not all physically mark me, they wound my spirit and try to take me down to the pit of despair instead. Yet I know what Your Word says in Romans 12:19, “Beloved, never avenge yourself, but leave room for the wrath of God: for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” So I have to release those “ill feelings” because I wasn’t meant to carry the weight of every offense. My mind, heart and soul can’t hold onto the pain, the anger, the resentment and stay in the persistent state of the offense. I have to actively start working towards forgiveness or at least a resolution. Though I may never understand the why, I do understand I have to let go of the anger or the bitterness will set in. This will only make me more like the perpetrators who intentionally hurt me and I refuse to become like them.
The only way that I will find freedom from this heartache is by forgiveness. Though forgiveness doesn’t excuse the wrong that has been done, hopefully it will release the hurt that seems to gnaw at my heart. Even if I can’t seem to forgive for their sake, I must do it for my sake so I can live free from the malice and be healed and made whole by the One who is touched by the feelings of my infirmities.
Forgiveness actually guards my heart against the bitterness, clears my mind of the chaos and then Christ can strengthen my spirit and give me peace that passes all understanding. Yet it’s funny how easily those offenses try to pop back into my head.
Ephesians 4:31-32 states “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
So today, I make a conscious and deliberate effort to forgive because forgiveness is an active choice not just a passive feeling. This hopefully releases all these negative emotions that I feel are bottled up inside of me, waiting for the dam to break and the wave of resentment to hit me again. Though I choose to forgive that doesn’t mean I condone the behavior or that reconciliation is forthcoming. Sometimes it is best to walk away from the ones who continually choose to hurt you rather than build you up.
I also know that forgiveness can take time because it is a process, not just a one-time event of one and done. So I will start this journey and pray He teaches me how to forgive like He forgives.
No, forgiveness doesn’t mean I will necessarily forget the offense or the pain and hurt associated with it. However, it does mean I will do my best to mirror God’s grace and extend agape love towards my offender so I can find peace again and hopefully healing. For I truly believe the greatest resources our Savior instilled in us all is the ability to love others, to pray often and to forgive always. So here’s to forgiveness, may we give it freely and receive it fully so our Father will also extend it graciously to us all.
